grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My ass is underappreciated
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
