Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
