McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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