It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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