Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
