I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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