I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
