wrigley field is MILF paradise
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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