She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
