Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
