I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
