he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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