My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
