I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
