Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
