So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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