I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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