I wish you could order shots online.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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