I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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