I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
