I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
