in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
