He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
