had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
