The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
