I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
