you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
