6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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