Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
