he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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