So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
