is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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