she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
