Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
