I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
