i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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