That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
