oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask