I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
