He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
