yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!