We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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