Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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