What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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