I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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