Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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