I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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