You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
