Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
