then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
