Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
