I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
