I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
