the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
