About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
