Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
