literally had 100 drinks last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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