we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want to be your penis for a week.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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