No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
