you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
