can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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