you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can I color on your dick again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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