New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
