Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
