I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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