Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize