If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
