That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
