I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
