That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
