So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize