he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
