I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
