This girl is more easily done than said...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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