Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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