Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
