You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
