i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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