i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
