I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
