its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
