He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
