Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
