operation have a gay friend backfired
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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