He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
