These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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