I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Small penises have feelings too.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
